I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
