Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize