she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
