I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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