i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids