i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.