i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.