Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.