I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.