Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success

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  (410): He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success http://tfl.nu/9mnw
  Replies (2) Good night (670) Bad night (1022)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
  Replies (54) Good night (5041) Bad night (779)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.

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  (314): screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all. http://tfl.nu/filb
  Replies (21) Good night (5462) Bad night (843)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1886) Bad night (6708)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

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  (508): He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/n1jt
  Replies (2) Good night (3700) Bad night (1089)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.

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  (910): Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job. http://tfl.nu/jru8
  Replies (6) Good night (3191) Bad night (732)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby

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  (573): Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby http://tfl.nu/0mu9
  Replies (7) Good night (2604) Bad night (991)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.

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  (509): Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away. http://tfl.nu/1jys
  Replies (6) Good night (2227) Bad night (836)
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  (805): View more from California

  You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!

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  (805): You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius! http://tfl.nu/013j
  Replies (6) Good night (782) Bad night (1447)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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  (303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t
  Replies (4) Good night (1962) Bad night (517)
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  (707): View more from California

  do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

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  (707): do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me http://tfl.nu/4f25
  Replies (15) Good night (1837) Bad night (579)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.

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  (405): There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation. http://tfl.nu/8ogi
  Replies (9) Good night (986) Bad night (652)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face

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  (712): when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face http://tfl.nu/ax1i
  Replies (7) Good night (1183) Bad night (343)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?

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  (+44): So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff? http://tfl.nu/24fo
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (680)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.

  (1-865): View more from Tennessee

  hahahah

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  (865): I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today. (1-865): hahahah http://tfl.nu/pyyj
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (189)

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