Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

my head hurts. i need an adult

(225): View more from Louisiana

and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?

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(514): View more from Quebec

So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.

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