"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
