Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
