using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
