I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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