I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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