I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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