I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
