Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
