and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
