I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
