its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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