I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
