SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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