textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
