You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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