how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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