How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
