Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize