Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
