So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
