Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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