i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
