He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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