I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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