So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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