I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
