your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
