we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
