this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize