pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
