i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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