We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize