i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
