why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize