also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
