Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
