i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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