I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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