Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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