Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
