i think i have two assholes
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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