why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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