I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
