So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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