pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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