he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize