i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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