Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
