Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize