That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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