JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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