Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
