Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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