im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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