Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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