Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
